we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
