he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
