so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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