just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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