they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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