I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
