I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
