i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
