So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
