I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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