just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize