I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
