im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i need some magic done to my vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
