I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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