I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm bleeding and have questions
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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