capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize