i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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