I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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