Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
