the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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