Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
