We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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