fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
