Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
