what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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