Screwed.edu
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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