Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
