I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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