ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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