she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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