I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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