you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
