All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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