batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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