Is it normal to miss your booty call?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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