i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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