Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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