Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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