I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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