so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
