I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize