ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
