How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
