So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
