and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
