Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
