Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
