It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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