areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
