my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
