Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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