dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
