i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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