im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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