This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
