we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
