Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize