just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
