How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
