Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
