Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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