I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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