The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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