God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
