drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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