and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
