I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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