Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize