idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
