3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
