she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
