whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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