I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Holy shit dude........stairs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
