I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
