my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize