i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
