it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
