Small penises have feelings too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
