When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
