oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh god the rape fog is back!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we should paint friendship bongs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
