whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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