haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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