She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize