i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
