shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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