i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
