3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
