im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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