How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
