Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
