I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize