before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
