Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
