Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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