how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
