like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
