Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
