apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
