I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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