Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
