Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize